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| Souer Goold braided our hair. She's amazing! |
I've almost been out on the mission a month. Like WHAT! The first 4 days here felt longer than the whole time I've been here combined. I love being a missionary and having so much time to dedicate to my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I love having an HOUR of personal study where I can actually study the Book of Mormon and not feel rushed. I already know I am going to miss having this much time to study after my mission. But I might as well embrace it while I have it!
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| Our District on the way to the Temple |
This week Soeur Goold and I talked a lot about being vulnerable. She told me her new year's goal last year was "be vulnerable." And I didn't really get it at first but the more I think about it the more I love it. As I studied about the atonement yesterday, I had some cool revelation.
When it talks about "hell" in the scriptures- I associate it with: guilt, non stop thinking about past mistakes, weight, stubbornness, pride, not wanting to admit to ever being wrong, not willing to change, short term happiness, misery.
And then when I think of "heaven" (or following Christ)- I associate it with: admitting to sins, being humble enough to admit to imperfections, accepting that you need Christ's help, relief from mistakes, freedom, ability to move forward, teachable, empowered, JOY.
It's so obvious when I write down the difference between these two states... which one you'd pick. Obviously accepting Christ is the better route. Yet when we are living day to day- it's much harder to become humble and ask for Christ's help. I ask myself, am I trying to be right or am I trying to do right? DO I TRUST CHRIST ENOUGH TO BE VULNERABLE? To be pushed, challenged, and CHANGED? This mission is full of moments of vulnerability. By this I mean, sometimes we are asked to do things that feel uncomfortable or push us. Like going to talk to random people in France on a subway about Jesus Christ. Or taking a step forward of faith even when I don't know what lies ahead of me. But when I am following Jesus Christ, and trusting in his wisdom, love, and perspective, I know that thing will work out. It takes courage, faith and humility to trust in God. It really does. But sometimes just taking a step of faith a day at a time is all we can do.
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| Soeur Tanner and Soeur Luka (soeur tanenr left to Madagascar this week! soeur luka leaves to Tahiti the same day I leave to France) |
I love the Book of Mormon. I told my mom this last week in a letter to her. But when I read the Book of Mormon I see with such CLARITY in my life. Decisions seem more clear. I remember what is most important in life and let all the other less important junk melt away. I worry less about myself and think of ways I can help others. I don't have to worry "Am I following the holy ghost or my own thoughts" because I am naturally guided to do good. The Book of Mormon blesses me in every aspect of my life. I wish I would have given even more time to studying its precious words before my mission. It's something that is so worth reading and ACTUALLY pondering (taking time to think about).
Funnies:
- I sleep on the top bunk in the glorious MTC. The bunk beds here are SO creaky. Every night I try and fix my sheets before I get into bed. It literally rocks the entire bunk bed (with my companion underneath) and makes a terrible squeaky noise. Every night my roommates say, "I hear the chevaux in the room". (Chevaux means horse in French). Lol so I am the squeaky chavaux on the top bunk.
- My district is unreal. They are all so weird and funny I love it. Yesterday Elder Sorensen and Elder Amison tried a new challenge. They tried to jump off of the ground without bending their knees or moving their toes. So basically standing on your heals with your legs completely straight the whole time. It basically looked like a tree trunk with arms flailing in the air. I was laughing so hard because it looked so absolutely ridiculous. If you want to know what this strange task looks like- just try it out and you will know what I'm talking about hahahahahaha.
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| Abby and Steph Rigby sent us swig cookies! |
- Okay. I don't even know what happened yesterday but I had a laughing attack. It was the hardest I've laughed in about 4 months. We had a substitute teacher Frere Call teach our French class. We went around and did introductions (what our name was, where we were from, what we liked to do etc.) I was the last one to introduce myself, and when it got to me, my mind went waco. I said, "je m'appelle Soeur Jones. Je vien du Holland." Like I think I meant Holladay? But I said Holland? Elder Pistole is from Holland Texas so maybe that's why I said it? I have no idea. But after that I tried to say I like to laugh (in french) ...all of the sudden I just got the worst giggles and couldn't finish my sentence. Everyone in the class was staring at me and I couldn't even breath I was laughing so hard. I had tears running down my cheeks and no sound coming out of my mouth. Just completely lost it laughing at who even knows what. I had to get up and leave the classroom because I couldn't breath. My comp just stood up and followed me out. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. It was literally too funny to even try to explain.
Oh I love where I am. I love being a missionary. There are a lot of amazing days where I feel great, frustrating days where I'm hard on myself, and sometimes just plain old okay days. But I truly do love where I am. I love it because I choose to be present. To not think about how good it will be when I get to France or when I'm home from my mission, but just to enjoy this very moment, here in the MTC... today!
Love, Soeur Jones
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